brighter than sunshine

let the rain fall i don't care

July 23, 2014 at 5:48pm
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7.23.14 I was actually excited about coming home. I don’t know why I keep getting my hopes up. I know how it is going to be as soon as I get here, but every time I think that maybe things might have changed. And then every time I get the harsh reality of how bad things really are just thrown in my face. As soon as I walked in the door, I felt it and started crying. It hurts. Like it actually hurts being here. And just when I feel a little better and become a bit more hopeful about things, everything comes crashing down again. So welcome home sunshine, you should have stayed away, far far away from this place.

5:38am
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I just really thought you would have came and said goodbye.

12:07am
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7.22.14 I can’t pack. I have literally just been sitting in my room staring at my suitcase for the past half hour. I can’t do it.

July 19, 2014 at 11:35am
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Anonymous said: Girl you are gorgeous and deserve happiness! Ignore all the mean comments. People are quick to judge and think they are giving good advice when they know nothing about your situation. Glad you are finding happiness because that's what life is all about!

You are too sweet! Thank you for your kindness!

12:36am
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Anonymous said: Whoever sent that last message, you're an idiot. I'm sorry, but did you not scroll down a little further? She clearly has moved on. Also good job of not naming names, since the only person who had those initials was Allie Carter. But I mean whatever, go you! Hope you feel good about yourself, you lowlife bitch.

You rock - thank you!

July 18, 2014 at 8:24pm
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4:04pm
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Anonymous said: I thought you should know Riley kissed someone on your old lacrosse team from tesoro. I don't want to name names but the initials are A.C. Just thought you should know he's moved on so clearly you should too

Haha ok thanks for this, but I’m good. I’ve kissed someone too, so it’s all okay. We’re all good. 

July 17, 2014 at 11:19pm
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7.17.14 I dropped off Riley’s birthday present today. I have been wanting to give him this for the longest time now, like since he left for his mission. I figure he should still have it since I made it for him. I hope he likes it. I just wish I could have given him it under different circumstances.

1:58am
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7.16.14 I hate how easily I fall for someone. I told myself I would be better this time. I told myself I would build walls. I told myself I wouldn’t let anyone in. I know myself better than that to know I wouldn’t listen. I tried though. I really did. I turned down a few. I didn’t let them reach my heart. I felt nothing. I didn’t need anything from any of them. I didn’t want anybody. But I didn’t expect you. I didn’t realize my walls would stand no chance against you. Defenseless. Completely defenseless to you. Your presence. Your humor. Your voice. Your laugh. Your words. Your sweet kisses. I didn’t expect you. I didn’t expect you at all.

July 15, 2014 at 8:32pm
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7.15.14 He spoke sweet words to me in between kisses with his strong Italian accent. This is dangerous - he already knows how to make me melt.

7:34pm
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7.15.14 He let me do donuts in his ‘71 Camaro. Enough said.

6:15pm
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7.15.14 You are the best surprise there is.

7.15.14 You are the best surprise there is.

5:00pm
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7.15.14 Today was absolutely lovely. We started the morning with Hidden House Coffee in San Juan Capistrano and then toured the Mission. They gave us a hand held device for an audio tour which we disregarded and instead decided to put on salsa music while walking through the Mission. Afterwards, we ate at my favorite little cafe in town, Sun Dried Tomato Cafe, which was a nice treat for me. We then ventured over to the petting zoo where we got to feed the animals and play with the guinea pigs. We explored around the old town and looked through the little stores. We then went for a walk down the San Clemente Pier before we headed over to Laguna for dinner where we ate at Ristorante Rumari, a romantic Italian restaurant off of PCH. We ended our lovely evening with a night on the beach listening to the waves crash. 

July 14, 2014 at 10:49pm
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7.14.14 This has honestly been the best birthday I have ever had. It only took 20 years for me to have a good one. And I’m okay with that. I appreciate this summer so much. I feel like I have done a lot of growing up this month and have channeled my energy into really enjoying myself and also really enjoying whatever life situation has been thrown at me. This summer has been very surprising and I don’t think I would have it any other way. I am very happy to say that I am content. I am content and looking forward to this next year as a twenty-year old.

2:25pm
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7.14.14 I came home this morning to find these delightful birthday surprises - sunflowers from my older sister, a sign drawn by my grandma, and a card sent by my parents. I really felt loved today. And that was really cool.